As the wife of a coach in a small town where we are from it felt wonderful to be celebrated upon return to our Alma Mater a couple years ago. Open arms welcomed us back home where he took his dream job coaching kids he loved and felt a connection with. It seemed like the perfect end to his 2-year successful run building a program at his first job as a head coach in the next town over. We left East Carteret with full hearts and glad to have been part of the Mariner family as Caleb made the transition from assistant to head coach. With 2 years of that under his belt and an opening at “home,” it was both a logical and heart felt choice to return. We did so excitedly and ready to “Back in Black.” Looking back now, I can see that in all of that there was much “noise,” and I will say that it can be easy to get caught up in it, especially positive noise. But noise is noise…

Well 2 seasons, 1 devastating hurricane, and a very hectic personal schedule lead us to another decision. One that created additional noise. We decided to leave his dream job at home and move to SC. The “noise” said we left for money, for greener pastures, because he didn’t agree with current administration, and because he wasn’t loyal. There was noise from my family, the community at home, and also where we were heading. Noise can be loud and painful…  

People often only see the parts of life we put out there and though transparency is often my goal perhaps our reasons for leaving were not so. But what the noise did not hear was that this coach’s wife was needing a change. Between a job that was too draining, land that was proving too difficult to build a house on, and a growing sense of anxiety that I was missing my life and the life of my kids working, I quit my job. We were going to try and make it work on his income for as long as we could. In the midst of creating a new budget, finally having the time to pick up my oldest from school regularly, play with my youngest more, be more present, and take part in all the Christmas festivities without answering to work, a phone call came to my Coach. One that provided an opportunity to our family to continue having this new found freedom my soul so much needed. Because ultimately his family is more important that football, and yes even his dream job, he took it…

Where we moved to there was also noise. At first positive and we were welcomed again. We bought a house, we became closer as a family, we taught our children that while home is wonderful you can try other places and realize you like them too. God lead us to a church that was so impactful in our lives, Caden was saved and baptized, and Coach, well he found peace…

See what the noise also didn’t know was that when you love something so much you can get wrapped up in it and at times consumed by it. My husband spilled his heart, soul, and mind into football. His love of the game and his passion for coaching ran deep to his core. As a wife I encouraged his passion and loved his drive but lost sight of what he was losing in the process. I lost sight as well as to what we were building our identity on. Him as a coach, I as a coach’s wife, and our children as coach’s kids. Though we always had the best interest of the players at heart we lost full sight of God as the main thing rather than football. Coach looked to football for peace not the only One that can provide it, he looked to drawing plays instead of the Word, he looked to busyness instead of finding rest in God….and I looked to football and being the perfect coach’s wife raising perfect coach’s kids. We loved Havelock football so much that we were not able to see what was missing.

Until we moved. Sometimes God removes things to show us others. Sometimes God removes the thing we are creating our identity on to bring us back to Him at the forefront. He removed us from Havelock football to allow distance for us to seek peace from the only One that can truly provide it, and for us to rediscover priorities in this life, not just in football.

Easley football, as anywhere else, came with challenges. It taught humility, that there is purpose in losing, that much of life is about mindset and building a program is very much about mindset as well as skill. It also allowed us to miss home, and miss Havelock. It taught us that life outside of your comfort zone is really where you start living like “they” say. It taught us that life and God both opens and closes doors. When we left Havelock, doors were closing for us, slamming shut it felt, just at the time that others were opening. We chose to have courage to not only walk through the ones that were open but to stop banging on the ones that were shut. God was inviting us in to dwell more with him and less with the fame and fans.  

After 1 season in Easley it was evident that it was not the place we were called to stay at. We were called there to change our lives. To redirect. And God worked fast in some respect because with a tug at our hearts to return to NC, doors were being closed again. The door at Easley to place all the players in weight training closed. This is an integral part of building a program and it did not, and was not, going to happen. That being something that was necessary to stay, helped us decide it was time to go. Our hearts are forever grateful to Easley. It was a place that brought such peace, correct perspective, and new purpose which proved helpful in dealing with the noise that awaited us.

You see the noise will always be there.

Noise of our return to Havelock became louder and the opinions of the noise at times screamed in our ears. While there was positive noise there was also negative and painful noise. Noise that debated the very character of my husband and my family. Noise that made assumptions, as noise often does, because noise doesn’t know the full story. Truly no-one ever does and that is ok.

Noise often demands answers, wants to be in the know, and seeks conversations among other noisemakers. My human heart, the heart of this wife also wants answers, to know the plan, and to know the future of things in this life. But, honestly I have come to realize that those things I desire to know answers to are the fleeting things and therefore I will once again embrace the unknown and find purpose in it.

In the last few weeks I have realized that I have found that there is also great purpose in the noise.

Fame, fans, and football are all fleeting. Placing one’s identity in these is dangerous. This life is not about football and the success of a team. Yes, I wholeheartedly believe that football and coaches teach lessons of life that are unmatched and can fuel players their whole lives. Yes, I believe that my husband has always believed that Faith, Family, and Football is the order of life but I also believe that when the lines get blurred in regards to that order God calls us back to Him. God reminds us that our identity is in Him alone and sometimes that means taking things away for a bit to remind us who He is, who He always has been, and who He always will be long after the game, the season, and this life is over. I believe there are great lessons in this not only for our family, but for the players; past, current, and future. Identity should never be placed in a game, a season, a career, or the career of your spouse. Those fleeting things will fade and what remains is and always will be our identity in the One that makes us whole.

If you too my friend are finding yourself in a season of noise I challenge you to rise above it all. Allow the loudness to force you into still silence with the maker. Allow it to remind you that the only voice that matters truly is the One who speaks above all. The One that knows us through and through. The One whose grace is sufficient for us and meets all needs. The One that our identity is truly found in. Fame, fans, football, or whatever noise you face in your life is fleeting, but our Savior and our Identity in Christ is eternal.

You see there is great purpose in a season of noise, you just have to seek it.