Motherhood by Jenna

“I Missed You.”

Today I asked if she missed Nana watching her.

She responded a nonchalant, “no.” Then a simple yet totally profound, “I missed you.”

When she said those 3 words, “I missed you,” in the way that she did with emphasis on the “you” I knew I made the right choice.

I have spent the last 20 years with my mind set on a path, a certain career.

The decision to be physical therapist, in part, started because of a poster on the wall of my freshman geometry class. Now it was supposed to help you see the need for math in future career paths and was likely posted to invoke inspiration to appreciate and love math. For me, however, it led me to the career box with only 1 out of 10 stars, SOLD! Of course other considerations and thought processes went into actually choosing that pathway but perhaps that was not the best foundation of interest for a lifelong pursuit. I began preparing and planning to be a physical therapist. I went to school for 7 long years to do so on umpteen student loans (for which I am still paying back.) I then graduated with my doctorate degree and started working in the field in which I would stay for 9.5 years in multiple settings finding each one to be “not quite right.”

One Friday afternoon at the end of October I found myself sitting outside my office, Scarlett, in the backseat was coloring with 20 minutes before we had to pick Caden up from school. We had just spent the last 2.5 hours at Chick-Fil-A where she played on the indoor playground while I “finished” documenting work that was never truly finished. I sat there with a paper in my hands that I had printed off at my husband’s work that morning. It was my resignation. The 4th one I had written in that 9.5 years. The silence was broken with a little voice,

“Mommy what are we doing!?”

I said, “Mommy is trying to decide something really important and I don’t know what to do… what should I do Scarlett?”

Her little face smiled, she nodded, and said emphatically, “Mommy just do it! We have to go get Caden.”

Naturally I felt some major guilt with changing my mind. I mean this is what I said I was going to do and worked so hard to achieve. Sometimes, however, plans change.

Sometimes we have to admit that we want something different.

Sometimes we have to chance disappointing people we think have certain expectations of us.

Sometimes we have to be ok with making really hard choices that impact a lot of people.

Sometimes we have to trust and jump to find our wings.

So Today we dressed like twins and played soccer. We took Caden to and from school. We worked on shapes, letter sounds, and snuggled.

My final day of working I was with a patient that I was treating for the first and last time when she asked for my phone number in case she had issues. I gave it to her and explained it was my last day but she was welcome to call if needed. She stopped talking, looked at me, and abruptly asked, “Are you going to stay home with your babies?” I quietly said, “Yes ma’am I am.” She grabbed my hand, squeezed it tight, looked me in the eye and said, “that is the best and smartest decision you’ll ever make.”

It is amazing how God speaks to us through others. Through the words of my almost 5 year old daughter and that last patient, His voice rings out, “that is the best decision, I missed you…”

Now I am off to find purpose in the season. The season of change. The season of uncertainty. The season of finding my wings.

29 thoughts on ““I Missed You.””

  1. Jenna! This is AMAZING! Go girl!!! I am so proud of you. You inspire me to chase my dreams. ☀️

  2. Wow Jenna, this is amazing and speaks to me in so many ways! So excited to hear about your amazing journey ahead 😁

    1. Thank you Amber! I am glad it spoke to you! I appreciate your support. I cannot wait to share more.

  3. I love this so so much! I learned alot more about you just by reading this! I’m so glad to have you as a friend in my life!
    And I’m so glad you figured out this website “thing” hehe!

    1. Thank you Kara! I am loving our friendship too. This whole website thing is a learning process for sure lol! It has been and is still certainly a trial and error, just go with the flow, learn as you go, nothing a google search bar can’t fix kinda journey!

  4. What an inspiring message! You have a gift. You are so brave to go with your gut and take a chance. I know you will be able to change lives with your insights and heal people with your words. You are still doing “therapy”, just in a different form! You go girl! Looking forward to seeing how it all unfolds.

    1. Oh my goodness Kristine I appreciate that more than you’ll know. That is so encouraging. Thank you for your continued support!

  5. I love you Jenna. You will do great at whatever you do. I’m glad you are being led to follow your dream. God will lead you to where you are supposed to be. We are so very proud of you.
    Mom

  7. Jenna way to step out in complete Faith!!!!! I completely understand all the feelings. I did the same 2 years ago with a 17 year career but I knew where my heart was and I was willing to sacrifice what ever needed to be able to be present with my babies as I was always working and pulled in 5 million directions. You will not regret it at all!! Thank you for sharing your journey!!! I love reading all your posts.

    1. Thank you Michelle! Such faith is hard but I believe will see us through. That is amazing that you were able to do the same thing and make it work. I appreciate all of your support!

  9. There are many regrets in life. Choosing to spend quality time with your children and husband will not be one of them. Keep your license current and you can always go back to being a practing PT. You can’t go back to when your children are young and get back missed time. In this crazy world we live in, I believe it is more important than ever to provide a loving and stable home for our children. God will honor your decision and work all things out.

  10. Jenna l am so proud of you. I admire you for taking that leap of faith. May God continue to bless you. Keep up the Great Job!!!!l know your parents must be solo proud of you.

  11. Hey love, so proud of you and grateful to watch your journey through this blog. I LOVE IT!! Happy for you!!!

  12. Jenna, this is so well put and I think something that every mother who has gone to school for a career or spent time growing a career struggled with once she has kids. You put it so elequently. This is something I will be struggling with sometime in the nearer than not future.

    1. Thank you. It is so hard to figure out how to mesh who you were before kids with who you are after. Sometimes the things you were before don’t fit as well after and it’s hard to accept and hard to even figure out. It’s a difficult season but one I can say I am stepping out in faith during for sure.

  13. So very happy for you Jenna!! They are only little once and they will cherish this time with you!

  14. After High School I never knew what I wanted to be or where I wanted to go with my life. I knew I loved helping people, I liked the feeling of being important but very young and in love with love. I became a 19yr old mom and wife. Unfortunately the marriage didn’t last because the seasons we both were in, were very different and I needed different. But this child, my first born, my baby boy was my WHOLE WORLD and I knew whatever I was going to be, He needed me to be his constant. Looking back now, that decision I made, was rough, but that was my first grown up decision I made. And that lead me to my husband now of almost 17 years and 2 more boys which all are my center of my world. Went back to school for cosmetology after the youngest was in Pre-K but financially we couldn’t afford for me to stop working while I went to school. The boys were young but I was grateful to have had my family watch them for us. BUT NOW as my oldest just graduated from the Air Force and got married 😳 and my two youngest are in highschool, I have found myself grasping on to all the “moments”. While you are in the years of their innocence and they are dependent on you, I ain’t gonna lie, some days were really damn hard and it seemed like the days had infinity hours left until bedtime. Oh but how I miss cuddling up on their beds and reading Junie B, or the Magic Treehouse books. And the Hug around the neck with their little bitty arms and them saying mommy you are the best mommy I love you! We don’t have infinity with our babies but I know we do have the ability to make those moments (and I am guilty of always photographing them)… But it’s those moments that I could be so lucky to have started or be apart of, that may even become a tradition, and that will last for infinity and beyond (Toy Story reference) as they grow and share with their own babies one day. #YouAreTheirConstant #HugALittleBitLonger #MostImportantJobEver

    1. Your story is beautiful Bonnie. We all have such seasons and no 2 are alike. You are an amazing mom and I am excited for the season you are in now as well. Such awesomeness and purpose in each one and yes keep taking those pictures. I do that as well! Thank you for sharing with me, I love hearing everyone’s stories of life and motherhood on here.

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