So I turned 35 a couple days ago. It seems like a milestone birthday. It seems much different than 34.

I am not sure why but perhaps it’s just one of those ages that the world has impressed on me that those women at that age should have it all “figured out.” I don’t know why that is how I feel but nevertheless it seems that being 35 I should, by now, know what’s up.

For example:

I should be well established into a career, working in a job I enjoy and making an appropriate living at it.

Over a decade into marriage I should be nailing all the wifely duties with grace and charm.

I am now beyond the baby stage with my kids and I should be on the way to “mastering” this parenting thing.

I should have control of my extracurriculars too, knowing exactly where I am supposed to be at all times, assisting with my kid’s classes, teams, and husband’s coaching career.

I probably should know how to solve “adulting” issues like filling out that stupid W4 at every new job, understand how to read my EOB from the insurance company, and have picked the appropriate growing moderately risky 401K investment plan. I should probably also follow the stock market.

I should also be well versed on the latest political news, all the issues going on, and have talking knowledge of business basics, all major sports teams, and be able to read a map.

I should know how to decorate my home, cook a thanksgiving meal, and keep the house clean.

I should be trying new physical pursuits, mastering a handstand finally or those other yoga poses.

My wardrobe should have the right amounts of slacks, blouses, jeans that are well tailored, dresses that fit nice, and all be free from wrinkles.

OH and Lord have mercy I should be able to apply eyeliner and wear something on my lips other than Bert’s Bees.

In actuality I have so little “figured out.”

Case in point:

I decided to stop practicing physical therapy after getting my doctorate and working for nearly 10 years.

I certainly fail at getting dinner on the table nightly (relax ladies this is just an example of a traditional “wifely duty,” don’t get up in arms. But I would truly love to accomplish this)

I am in no way “mastering” this parenting thing- too many examples to expand further than to just say… I am not HA!

I am often late, and at times in the wrong place, I have to refer to a calendar continuously to know where I am supposed to be and sometimes write that down wrong.

I did not fill out that stupid W4 form right at my last job (surprise you owe tax money this year,) I throw away the EOBs without reading them, I have not a clue about my 401K, and wouldn’t even begin to understand the DOW (is that even the right letters?)

I pretty much hate politics, and decided to avoid news at all costs in order to protect my “peace.”

Thank GOD for that little GPS lady in my phone- I should totally give her a name because she is a true friend.

I do love to decorate but if I had my actual Pinterest board in my home I would be broke as a joke.

Last time I seriously worked on mastering a handstand I hurt myself and yoga bores me to tears, even though I really want to like it.

My makeup routine is pretty much as simple as it gets and there are no less than 10 things of Bert’s Bees in my possession and 1 tube of 2-year-old drugstore nude colored lip gloss- I should probably toss that.

My wardrobe consists of jeans and mostly t-shirts and hoodies that are related to being a coach’s wife and a large part of my choice in dryers was because there was a setting called “wrinkle release” that uses steam rendering my iron not needed (although I seriously only use that thing 2 times a year.)

BUT, if when I woke up an official 35 year old, I had focused on that list of “I should__ by now” I would have felt beyond defeated.

So yeah “35” I see you. Looking all intimidating and attempting to steal my joy because I don’t meet all the requirements, I somehow made up in my mind I should have met by now.

I see you, but I raise you the following:

I am a child of God and that is enough but even so I acknowledge some other pretty awesome things too.

At 35 I am stronger than ever. Not just physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually— I am strong enough to learn how to admit what I want, know what I know, and often times more importantly, know what I don’t know.

At 35 I know I want more time with my kids and other areas of interest and my PT job was holding me back, so I’ve let it go for a while.  

At 35 I know I want a marriage that is not just good but exceptional so I act with intention. I learned what and how to speak his love language and try to extend grace and guard MY reactions.  

At 35 I know I want to be an exceptional mom as well so I try to actively do things that allow me to be more present with them and speak life into them. Lord knows I try, and Lord knows I fail. I also extend myself grace.

At 35 I know that I want more peace in my life and worry-filled brain so I find things that protect and foster that peace more and I attempt to do those things. Here is where the avoid the news thing comes in.  

At 35 I know that I am healthier now than ever BUT there is still room for improvement. I have learned habits that move me toward my goals and do those things as consistently as I can because I have realized it is MY choice.

Oh and at 35 I have mastered the art of making an amazing chocolate chip cookie.  

Am I perfect at any of the above? No way- I even burnt a batch of cookies last week.

But I have learned a couple other rather cliché things- “Life is a journey” and “It’s about progress not perfection.”

I know those are SO overused, but there is a reason y’all…

If we let go of our need to be perfect and start embracing our imperfections and accept how they make us unique then we might just have figured out a really important part of how to love ourselves.

If we learn to grow from the hard things and allow ourselves to be honest about our wants then we might just have the courage to chase a dream even if it doesn’t make sense.

If we allow ourselves to accept us for what we are and still be ok with wanting to change things for the better then we might just find the ability to love ourselves well and allow for self improvement in a positive way.

If we even embrace our crazy mess of hair, eyeliner free eyes, Bert’s bees loving lips, throw on t-shirt with a pair of jeans with holes, and go live our best life then we might just realize that we are in fact enough.

So 35, if all the above, then how can I not meet you with all kinds of joy and gratitude even if I have not meet all the standards of, “I should have by now…”

So my sweet friend if you too are facing a birthday, or even just a random Monday where you feel you are not meeting whatever deadlines society, or more likely, YOU, have made up for yourself please know you are not alone.

There is purpose in this season.

There is purpose in realizing those deadlines are just that, dead. And that line part? You can draw it in the proverbial sand and step over it into exactly who you are at this time. You are enough, God says so, and girl… so should you.