While visiting my in-laws church someone on the way in asked how I was doing and if my nerves were shot. I laughed and responded that the abnormal is the new normal for me. After I said it my mind wandered to the things that were abnormal for me right now… living out of bags at my in-laws house, homeschooling Caden, waiting on paperwork for our new home, being away from family, lacking routine…. And prior to all of these things the abnormal was the revamping of our plans as I have mentioned before.

I feel like we have been in the abnormal long enough to just call it normal and I suppose there is some peace in that, however I have to continually remind myself to find it.

Later in the church service there was a soloist who beautifully sang “Give me Jesus.” A song I was not familiar with up until about 2 years ago when I purchased a sign to hang on our headboard that was, unbeknownst to me, the lyrics from that song. My father-in-law told me it was a hymn and I listed to it at that time appreciating it but not really thinking about it much more. That is until today.

Sitting there in the church with her singing the words,

“In the morning when I rise, In the morning when I rise, In the morning when I rise, Give me Jesus…”

Those were the lyrics on my headboard sitting in a storage unit hundreds of miles away still. About 2 years ago I made a headboard for our bed out of 3 farmhouse doors that we had removed from my family’s 108-year old farmhouse. We were taking the old house down in plans to build a new house on the same spot— remember those “plans” we had? I washed, cleaned, dried, and sealed with polyurethane several times as they of course were painted with lead paint. 2 of the doors had the glass pane windows and the 3^rd door was solid. I fastened the massive doors together with brackets placing the glass ones on outside and the solid in the middle. I then secured it to the wall. On the middle door I hung the panel art that said those same lyrics I was now listening to now.

“…Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus, You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus.”

My right eye started to tear up… I will tell y’all about it being JUST my right eye in a bit. 

The second verse rang out,

“When I am alone, When I am alone, Oh when I am alone, Give me Jesus…”

The lyrics this time also spoke to me. Now, I am not alone, I have my husband, kids, and wonderful in-laws with me at present. I feel though that “alone” can also feel like the “unknown” sometimes.

My right eye was now leaking…a tell-tell give away and reminder to me that while most people can hold back their tears when emotions are raw, mine are little more obvious. When I was about 22 my right eye started watering spontaneously.

All. The. Time.

It was incredibly aggravating and, in an effort, to not have mascara running down my face at my upcoming wedding we sought out a solution. After several visits to different optometrist and eye surgeons it was finally determined I had a “stenotic lacrimal duct.” This basically means that the tube that drains your eye on a regular basis was narrowed and would not function correctly. My eye, rather than drain, would just tear up and cry. The solution? Willingly have a small tube placed that would lay against my eyeball connecting the top to the bottom tear duct and fasten to the inside of my right nostril. AND leave it there for 3 months while it stretched out the duct. I actually went through with this!  By the way it only takes about a week to stop feeling it– until then it is like being poked in the eye continuously. For 3 months I had to hold my eye when I sneezed, I avoided blowing my nose, and I didn’t even think about wiping my eye with any force. It was interesting. In the appropriate time though, while my mom watched, they removed the tube through my nose while I was awake. I am not sure if she has recovered yet. BUT the surgery was about 90% effective. 90% means that 90% of the time my eye drains as it should. The other 10%, well, in moments like at the church when I want to fight back tears, my right eye reminds me that sometimes letting them out is the only way to drain the emotions.

“…Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus, You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus.”

Her beautiful voice sang to my soul. If nothing else, in the season of abnormal I will cling to Jesus. I will cling to his unchanging, ever present promise of hope, love, and salvation.

The last verse began,

“When I come to die, When I come to die, Oh when I come to die, Give me Jesus.”

Ultimately this life, no matter what path we are on, is leading us all to the same moment. The moment in which the only thing that matters is if you have cried out, “Give me Jesus.”

Big picture perspective is what it was all about in this moment, in this season of abnormal as I listened to her sing. Do I have Jesus? “You can have all this world…”

In the morning when I rise, when I am alone, in the abnormal, and in the unknown I have what I need because I have cried out, “Give me Jesus.”  

Sweet friend: whether you are in the midst of such a normal routine that you are bored to tears or so long in the season of abnormal it is your new norm know that the one thing you can cling to, the one thing you can cry out that will bring you peace is, “Give me Jesus.”

In this season of abnormal and in any other season there will ever be I pray that I can remember that they can have all this world, just give me Jesus.